Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
