i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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