you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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