have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
