just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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