Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
