normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
