My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
