i just had sex bonerless
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
