Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
