the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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