I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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