ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
