All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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