Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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