Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
