I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
