Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize