ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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