Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize