I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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