Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
