That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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