It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
