Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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