Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
