is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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