I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
