i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
