The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize