google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
