he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
