had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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