i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
