My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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