from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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