you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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