If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
