someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize