3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
