discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
