We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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