I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
