holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
