all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He shit in the fireplace
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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