Just took my morning after pill in the library
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize