I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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