Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want to make out with him forever
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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