i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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