My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
no you cant smoke seaweed
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
