dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
