I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
