"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
