You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
