Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In other news, I just burned my penis
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
