it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
