Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
