Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
