I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
