I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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