its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
